Special People

Да не говорим, че човек има даден максимум наистина близки хора - същества, които опознава динамично. Хора, които заговаряш в кю-то без да се замислиш. Приятели, чиито непълни копия държиш в главата си и които стават все-по-живи с времето. Докато оригиналите стават все-по-различни от тях.
Можем да загубим такъв приятел по плашещо много причини. Да, случвало се е дори само защото сме се запознали с някой нов човек, който на пръв поглед може да ни донесе дори повече мъдрост - или щастие, или опит, или познание за самите нас, или каквото и да е. Понякога сме способни да си сменим приоритетните хора дори само от скука, мамка му!

I thought of trying to refute this, but gave up. Somehow it rings true. After all, a former 'me' once said to a former friend: 'No, we can't stay friends. My friend slots are full'.

Instead, some random thoughts on the question raised in a friend's blog - How do you become friends with someone?

Here's my attempt at definition of friendship: Someone who is tangibly present in your life. Someone whose geometrical figure of life-space intersects with yours. The area of intersection doesn't matter. The shape of the intersection matters somewhat though. I like nice shapes, despite being the non-visual person I claim to be;)

How do you touch someone else's circle? (I choose circle for the sake of simplicity.) To intersect, you need to touch, and to touch, you have to see them. I believe when this happens, it is entirely out of our control. Are the people in your life, in their respective roles of friends and lovers, there because YOU decided them to be there? Wrong. What if you went to a different school? What if you were born ten years earlier?

Then how do you define 'becoming closer'? Meeting/chatting with them more often? Talking about more 'personal' issues? Asking them for help when you're in need? All of the above? My answer: none of the above. Your friends are those whose changes correspond to your changes, whose 'life dynamics' somehow mirror yours, often in a way you can't exactly pin down. This of course resonates with the above quote, and is an exhaltation of individualism. Others are valuable because... hold your breath... help define yourself, get to know yourself better.

As I said ages ago, arguing with another of my betters: So, what happens to me is primary, what happens to you and the characters of a book, is secondary. I am the original, you are copies. I am the center of the universe, you are marginal. I am a creator, you are just creation material. Solipsism is nothing but a pose, as a say in the same post. Others are a perfectly legitimate source of knowledge about ourselves. One of my favorite dilemmas when thinking about people is: are we attracted by sameness or by difference in others? Personally, I think I am attracted by the latter. So when the 'originals' become yet more different, I am not troubled. The reality of originals is, of course, highly debatable;)

I remember the suggestion of sex as a way to become friends with someone. I was so impressed that I thought about it for months!:D Never tried it, though. I try being happy with just *knowing* people, without claims for friendship. Contemplate them. Rejoice in the miracle of their existence. Which reminds me, I have one person who makes me happy just by being on my icq contact list. There is absolutely no need to talk to him, in order to smile.

So, what prompted this post, apart from the other post, is that I met with an old friend I see very, very rarely. Maybe once a year. He's one of the few people I like because of the similarities to me. He's one of those people with whom I feel timeless, as if no time passes between our infrequent meetings. We had a drink together, we talked, we laughed, we looked into each other's eyes and I kinda felt I make him a better person. He does this to me, for sure. For him, I am ready to give up a few hours of the GW Factions weekend. For him I am a very special person.

And here comes the inevitable poem:D

Some Very Special People

I want to thank you, Lord, for some special people that I love,
Special people who love me just because I'm me,
People who believe that I'm important, as I am,
People who can stand me even when I'm sour and disgusting.
People who listen when I spit out my feelings,
People who wait when I cannot find the words,
People who shake me when my spirit falls asleep.

For all those very special people
I want to shout
And shout and shout with thanks.

Those are the people, one today, one tomorrow,
Who look for that part of me that's me,
Who groan with me until that part of me is free,
Who will love whatever is left of me when the day is over.

For all those very special people
I want to sing
and sing and sing with love.

For ones like that, Lord, mean more to me
than anything on earth, and sometimes even more than you.
For only through someone like that do I believe that
you are really true.
For when someone like that
accepts me in my sorry little mess,
Then so do you, my Lord,
Then so do you...

Norman Habel

Talk about changes.