Oct 30, 2006

Lost In Moments

Намерих тази позната песен/стих в блога на LeeNeeAnn.

Дори бях забравила, че е от любимия ми навремето филм "17 мига от пролетта". Помня само, че бях изумена, че "порой" на руски означава "понякога".

Страхотна песен, в изпълнение на Микаел Таривердиев тук. И колко, колко вярна.

Oct 26, 2006

Breaking Even

I've paid the last heating bill for the previous season, with the generous sponsorship of the ex:D

Ready for the new winter, with Sanctus Ignis:)


Oct 24, 2006

My God Is Bigger Than That

A long and winding article on why New Atheism, as voiced by Richard Dawkins (mentioned also in this post), is a fundamentalist, and ultimately limiting worldview.

"...the big war is not between evolution and creationism, but between naturalism and supernaturalism. The sensible" -- and here he pauses to indicate that sensible should be in quotes -- "the 'sensible' religious people are really on the side of the fundamentalists, because they believe in supernaturalism. That puts me on the other side."

More: "Highly intelligent people are mostly atheists," he says.

I can't even bother to comment. The article touches on the possibility of religion of reason (been there, done that, French revolution, anyone?), but then cringes in the face of incompatibility of reason and emotions. In the final analysis, it asks 'What is true?'. But then the very concept of truth is an ultimate statement, and in the 21st century we speak of truths and multiple interpretations. Is this enough? Personally, I think that as long as we search for truth, we (consciously or not) search for God.

Two interviews from salon, one with an atheist, another with a Christian.

Oct 23, 2006

Nicotine Tension Experiment

My name is Hazel and I'm a nicotine addict.

Yesterday I conducted an experiment in masochistic behavior: 24 hours without smoking. I had all the symptoms of abstinence - crankiness, anxiety, temper flares, tearfulness, inability to concentrate, etc. I was planning to post a log of my rising dissatisfaction with the world during the day, but I didn't have internet yesterday either, so lucky you:D Double abstinence trains the will like few other tribulations. Music like A Perfect Circle, Pain of Salvation, and Metallica did help to alleviate the pain a bit.

No, seriously, I was appalled at the gap in me left by removal of addictive substances. It was like a black-tentacled monster scratching and eating me from the inside. It is not a coincidence that Ffox compares my religious beliefs with cigarettes (two highly obnoxious habits in her view;). They are both defining behaviors, there's no getting away with this. I was less myself, incomplete without smoking, and I resented that dependency. And loved it, too. ^_^

Speaking of incompleteness, at the end of the day, aren't we all beta versions of ourselves?

I bought a new perfume to celebrate my decision to try to quit smoking, next weekend.

Oct 19, 2006

Early Nineties Revisited

A poem to be read
not from the most obvious beginning
the poet
missed the pain.

Did you ever,
ever dream
that I'm the one?
Did you ever see
that you're the man
whose fingerprints
match mine
to form a picture
which is 'very good'?

You are the one
who dreams, like Daniel,
of things to come.
(And I can never
hope to reach them
with my heap of words.)
You are the one
who laughs as if
the origins of Earth
were 'very good'.
(And I can only hope
to try to smile.)
You are the one
who prays for music
and loves the longest cuts.
(And I'm so in a hurry
to arrive sooner
at the Place of Silence.)
You add fervour
and radiance
where I
fail to notice
the faintest glow
in This World.

May 30th, 1994

Oct 18, 2006

Leper Madonna

Mihail has varicella, aka chicken pox.

a disease, commonly of children, caused by the varicella zoster virus and characterized by mild headache and fever, malaise, and eruption of blisters on the skin and mucous membranes.

He's still cute, though, but this caused major disruption of routine and plans.

Anyway, Beatallica rule:


Leper Madonna-spineless from the start
Like a Virgin comez to town, you're sucked into the part
Living by your story, spreading your diseaze
Suffah for your glory, falling to your kneez

Friday nite-a brazier in your suitcase
Like a Prayer-death creeping like a nun
Monday-blind devotion came with black lace
Seeee O-ri-on

Leper Madonna-Jaymz iz at your breast
He don't give a fuck-a how you feed the rest

Leper Madonna-Jaymz iz in your bed
Listen to Beatallica raging in your head

Tuesday-you are taken by the glamour
Wednesday-see the sheep are set to come
Thursday-you're a stinking drunk with power
Seeee O-ri-on

Leper Madonna-Heaven you will meet
Make a contribution, get a bettah seat.

In other news, I find I can modify reality by thinking a thought. It is frightening, like the poets say. And no, I don't have delusional grandeur disorder, it just happens now and then.

Be careful what you wish for:)

Oct 16, 2006

True Hero

My brave ninja played this game today and rescued the princess!

Oct 15, 2006

Not That Simple

Like wind in the fall
I didn't see him coming
Sea and sky collide

Oct 10, 2006

Placebo Effect

I have been drinking decaffeinated coffee at home for the last few days. The effect is indistinguishable from the effect of ordinary instant coffee.

It's all in the mind.

Listening to Paradise Lost's album 'Symbol of Life' I couldn't help thinking that the best song is 'Xavier'. I knew it sounded familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. Of course, the original is from 'Within the Realm of a Dying Sun' - the first Dead Can Dance album I ever heard (still have the cassette). Secondhand songs here, for those who keep wondering.

What is the difference between different types of sameness, the sage asked. It turns out I am addicted to the taste of coffee, not to caffeine. And yes, sometimes cover songs are better than the originals.

Oct 8, 2006


And he said unto them,
Behold, when ye are entered into the city,
there shall a man meet you, bearing a pitcher of water;
follow him into the house where he entereth in.
Luke 22:10

Paradise Lost - Grey

In this autumn rain
We're blessed with autumn skies (autumn skies)

I'm doing it for myself
Not somebody else
I'm doing it for myself

Calling out in shame
Silence engrained
Crying out your name
Something wrong but beautiful, so beautiful

In this awesome rage
Rejecting compromise (compromise)

Undoing it for myself
Not somebody else
Undoing for myself

Oct 5, 2006

You-Know-Who For President!

Enjoy The Post of the Frost(tm) here. We respectfully agree to disagree. Like this:

hazel: niama da moga da izdyrja da cheta beronov for president
05.10.2006 г. 17:16:06 hazel: Единство без озлобление и без носталгия към комунистическото минало. Нека му отредим да бъде памет и горчива поука в нашата история.
pamet =nostalgia
gorchiva pouka = ozloblenie
05.10.2006 г. 17:16:36 Frost: не е задължително
да не говорим, че се заяждаш
посланието е ясно
05.10.2006 г. 17:16:56 hazel: zaiajdam se razbira se. no mnogo me drazniat glupostite
05.10.2006 г. 17:17:15 hazel: osobeno tia deto izbojdat ochi
05.10.2006 г. 17:17:23 Frost: добре. Ти си гласувай за първанов :)
05.10.2006 г. 17:17:30 hazel: razbira se che she glasuvam za pyrvanov
05.10.2006 г. 17:17:41 hazel: toi izglejda mnogo po dobre ot toia;)
05.10.2006 г. 17:18:16 Frost: щом ти харесва
05.10.2006 г. 17:18:55 Frost: ама после да не отричаш, че си комунистка :)
05.10.2006 г. 17:19:19 hazel: az sym socialdemokrat, vliavo ot centyra
05.10.2006 г. 17:19:30 hazel: ubejdeniata mi vinagi sa bil takiva, ot 85 nasam
05.10.2006 г. 17:19:37 Frost: се то :)

Last quote from chrome:

verno trqva da se zaemesh s prezidentski izbori ili neshto takova

Fear Me:D

Oct 4, 2006

Sheep is Free, BMW Isn't

My son this morning:

'Mom, when your car breaks down, I want your next car to be BMW.' He's still 42 months old, but already knows.

You either have it, or you don't. Instead of a BMW, I'd rather have the wanderlust you can find here. My new addition to the elite club of Fellow Humans features jazz, cyberpunk, admin stuff, and the best license agreement I've ever read. He's also the translator of this poem. I can tell a poet, a prophet, and a visionary when I see one.

And a lovely quote from his random quote section.

The best music is essentially there to provide you something to face the world with.
Bruce Springsteen

Oct 1, 2006

Music Fantasies Revisited

It's been almost a year of waiting, and it finally happened!

I wanted to see Balkandji live, and I didn't have the time, the mood, thе company, etc. Last night however I went to see them... hold your breath... with two total strangers. It was a great concert, great company, I am thankful once again.

The good things come to those who wait. This is true of one of my favorite albums of all time, which I had on a cassette tape long ago, in another life:

Extreme - III Sides to Every Story (1992).

Quote from the above article:

In spite of being considered by the band to be their finest work, III Sides To Every Story
was a commercial failure, since it did not feature a hit single such as "More Than Words", from its predecessor Pornograffitti. Also, the particular brand of hard rock that Extreme was known for was falling out of flavor with the rise of the grunge movement around that time.

Yours, Mine, and the Truth.