Oct 30, 2005

The Pearls

I found this while I was cleaning my hard disk.

The Pearls

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!" Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma." As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere-Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green. Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?" "Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you." "Then give me your pearls." "Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess - the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite." "That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss. About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?" "Daddy, you know I love you." "Then give me your pearls." "Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper." "That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, He noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you." With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure. So like our heavenly Father. Wonder what we're hanging on to..... - Unknown

Oct 27, 2005

Navigate the Seas of the Sun

Procrastination is not mentioned as a deadly sin, but it should be. I can spend hours, days, and months procrastinating things. They range from changing the light bulb in the corridor to getting a divorce certificate for lower fees in the daycare center to searching through the multitude of CDs to find the one with Half-Life: Counter Strike. Now, don't get me wrong, I've never played CS in my life, because I had a problem installing my cracked copy. The game is not original, but the gift from a friend far back in 2001 is highly original, and it bears the inscription Get'em, Hazel on the cover. I still remember R2D2M2 fondly, and I am particularly thankful for the full discography of Iron Maiden, which is on the same CD, and the main reason I'm looking for it;)

I'm listening to the most recent Bruce Dickinson solo project, Tyranny of Souls, which basically prompted this post. It's a really good album, some songs like 'Power of the Sun' and 'Soul Intruder' remind me strongly of my favorite Maiden albums (the ones I'll find one of these days, hours, minutes!). However, the song that has caught me by the throat is 'Navigate the Seas of the Sun'. It has pop-like quality about it, unlike most of the stuff I'm into lately - The Mars Volta, Coheed and Cambria, Within Temptation - but it somehow made me listen to it almost thirty times in a row. It made me think about that special seal of individuality that makes us enjoy certain things, and not others, without being able to explain why. As C.S. Lewis remarks, there is a thin line marking the pattern of our unique soul, going through all the things we love. This is a paraphrase, of course, I'm sure he would have said it better.

Ok, here's the song.

Navigate The Seas Of The Sun

Distant earthrise long ago
Lingers at the borders of our minds
Mysteries spinning in the dark
In the frozen emptiness of time
We were lost and we never knew
Who we were, what we left behind
Living half lives we were blind
To the new frontiers that opened up our eyes

To find our minds were spinning
Souls entwined in a spiral dance
The ancient ways have found us again
To give us one last chance

Living in this place,
Staring into space we find
We might share the corners of our lives
Infinity runs deep,
Eternity that we can't keep
Melting through the frozen wastes of time

So we go and we'll not return
To navigate the seas of the Sun
Our children will go on and on
To navigate the seas of the Sun
So we go and we'll not return
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Our children will go on and on
To navigate the seas of the Sun

We can't go on tomorrow
Living death by gravity
Couldn't stand it anymore,
We'll sail our ships to distant shores

Purple, gold and blue,
Living colors every hue
Flowers in the garden of the gods
No one can ever know
If you never saw them grow
But this darkness is really full of light


Well beyond the Earth,
Beyond all things that gave us birth
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
If God is throwing dice
And Einstein doesn't mind the chance
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Infinity runs deep,
Eternity that we can't keep
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Flowers of our souls
Purple, blue and gold we find
To navigate the seas of the Sun
So we know who we are
Even in this frozen waste
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Living in this place,
Staring into space we find
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Well beyond the Earth
Beyond all things that gave us birth
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
If Einstein's throwing dice,
And God he doesn't mind the chance
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Flowers of the soul
Purple blue and gold we find
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
And who we were before
Eternity that we can't keep
We'll navigate the seas of the Sun
Flowers of our souls
Purple blue and gold we find

Even the lyrics somehow trigger a yearning from the days of my youth, a feeling long lost and barely remembered. I should be happy I can still feel things like this, because my life is full of broken things. Here is the reference:

"Ox, at the risk of sounding like a character from the tales of Granny Shu, I will point out that a noise some people hear and others don't isn't speaking to the ears. It's speaking to the heart, and you have a hole in your heart. All young people do. It's there to catch the wonderful things of the world, and later on it gets filled up by broken things. Forget about your ears. Listen with your heart. Aim the hole at the sound and follow in the direction where it hurts the most."

Barry Hughart, The Story of The Stone

Procrastination here does not bother me - this is one of the books I would read forever, and enjoy reading it slowly. Prolonging the pleasure, so to speak...

Oct 21, 2005


I completed the PvE part of the game with Aral about 10 days ago, and had a wonderful feeling of accomplishment;), although it was one day before the terrible deadline. Time management, as you can see, is also an issue with me.

I saw a movie called My Life Without Me, a Canadian production, recommended to me by a friend who said that 'this movie is you'. Curiosity drove me to see it, and I was horrified to find what he thinks of me. A thoroughly depressing movie, about a mother of two young children (ok, similarities end here) who discovers she has cancer and has only two months left. There was a moment when she sat down in a cafe and wrote in a journal 'Things to do before I die'. I liked her list. It is applicable to anyone who is aware of their mortality. I need to see a doctor one of these days.

I spend a long time thinking about the jigsaw of my life. I had a whole week without work, I felt I deserved some rest, and slept, ate, and thought a lot. All of these, when overdone, can be harmful. I think I got away with little damage, but who knows, it may be damage over time.

I want to thank you, Lord,
For all things you have given me,
For all things you have taken from me,
For all things you left me.

Oct 18, 2005

69 Reasons...

...to have sex (copied this from a forum, author dalya_night)

5.всички така правят
6.друго няма за правене
7.евтино е
8.достъпно за всички
12.вместо фитнес
13.няма време за друго
14.користни подбуди
15.властови амбиции
18.напук на някого
19.за отмъщение
20.за престиж
21.чекиите омръзват
22.пробваш новия креват
25.захладнели отношения
26.сгорещени отношения
27.обещал си
28.пробваш виагра/левитра
29.разчистваш конкуренцията
30.препикаваш територии
31.време е да вземеш този изпит
32.време е да спечелиш този конкурс
33.животът е кратък
34.сексът е изкуство-имаш муза
35.нямаш друга работа
36.избиваш чивии
37.до връщане в поделението-3 часа
39.изнасилват те
40.в залива акострира кораб след цели 3 години
41.си пиян
42.си дрогиран
43.си хипнотизиран
44.трябва да се работи
45.втората професия-допълнителен доход
46.колегата е неустоим
47.обичаш рекордите
48.най-после си разведен
49.сваляш килограми
50.полезно е за имунитета
51.нямаш пари за кремове
52.имаш мания
53.учиш другия
54.връщаш тъпкано
55.възбуждаш се от точно такива цици/рамене
56.да не паднеш по-надолу
57.печелиш бас
58.награждават те за вярност
59.герой на съпротивата, но в плен правилата са други
60.обожавал си негри цял живот
61.чувал, че циганките са 42 градуса на сянка
62. имаш съмнения дали е успешна операцията
63.идва смъртта
64.хапче за самота
65.пълна случайност
66.възстановяваш спомени
67.вписан си в завещание
68.визата ти изтича
69.новата кола така се пробва

It's only fair to post the 69 reasons not to;)

  1. Guild Wars.
  2. Have 2 kids already.
  3. Too early for 3rd kid.
  4. Too picky.
  5. Expensive contraception.
  6. Too lazy.
  7. Embarrassed kids.
  8. Expensive sexy underwear.
  9. Reading books.
  10. Music is best.
  11. Too much trouble.
  12. More sleep.
  13. Facials work better.
  14. Not in love.
  15. PMS.
  16. Too cold in bedroom.
  17. Self-control.
  18. Divorced at last.
  19. Hate mornings.
  20. Celibacy is a virtue.
  21. Alcohol lowers libido.
  22. Too much work.
  23. Post-coital chills.
  24. Friends have other uses.
  25. Another mouth to feed.
  26. Fear of the dark.
  27. Failure to perform.
  28. Sexually transmitted diseases (STD).
  29. Like to sleep alone.
  30. Toilet seat.
  31. For the record.
  32. Backaches.
  33. Lonelier afterwards.
  34. Audioscrobbler!
  35. Deadlines.
  36. Smells.
  37. Daydreams.
  38. Dreams.
  39. Seduction is a sin.
  40. Conversation.
  41. Wrinkles.
  42. Bathroom cleaning.
  43. More laundry.
  44. The stars.
  45. Climbing.
  46. Size doesn't matter.
  47. Manipulation.
  48. Everybody does it.
  49. Inspiration.
  50. Exhaltation.
  51. Salvation.
  52. Time for myself.
  53. Time for the kids.
  54. Time for friends.
  55. Competition.
  56. Ambition.
  57. Egocentrism.
  58. Power freak.
  59. Middle age.
  60. Memories.
  61. Horoscopes.
  62. Nothing is an accident.
  63. Nakedness.
  64. Clothes.
  65. Life is too short.
  66. Internet.
  67. Scared to death.
  68. Death.
  69. Resurrection.

Oct 7, 2005

Carpe Diem

Не питай (ний не можем да узнаем) какъв ли край предвидили са боговете за теб и мен, Левкония, нито изпитвай Вавилонските пресмятания. Колко по-добре е да приемаме каквото дойде, дали е отредил за нас още зими Юпитер или последната е таз, която се разбива днес в скалите на Тиренското море. Мъдрец бъди и виното налей. Животът кратък е, ти остави в страни далечните надежди. Дори докато тъй говорим с теб отлита времето неумолимо. Цени мига, не вярвай ти напразно в утрешния ден.


Тези и други мъдри мисли чета в интернет, докато всъщност трябва да работя много-много, тъй като имам свиреп deadline след два дни. Уменията ми да управлявам времето си са правопропорционални на уменията ми да управлявам финансите си. И двете в момента са на all-time low, но някакси успявам да не се тревожа от този факт. Това се дължи вероятно на прочетените мъдрости, които по някакви неведоми пътища май се интериоризират ^_^. Future happiness needs to be hedged for the purposes of risk management. The hedging instruments vary, interest rates too. My profit or loss is what matters.

Btw, have you checked out www.last.fm lately?