Jan 21, 2005

Midnight Poetry

Four Seasons

first guitar
At dawn, she weeps invisibly and mourns
another wasted sunrise.
A memory of his awkward touch,
the fiery thrill in his eyes,
being the first, the child of his spring.

second guitar
At noon, the silence glows and she wails
another prolonged absence.
Longing for the longest fingers
to strum her back to life,
to water her, the maiden of his summer.

third guitar
At dusk, the edge of now and after,
another uttered groan
for the best fruits of his labor,
for the airy flight of her victory,
deep in her body, the mother of his fall.

fourth guitar
At midnight, she watches over his sleep,
another dreamless dream.
Strings cry for passion, but the spark is gone,
earth calls, he hit the bottom
with her, the crone of his winter.

Jan 7, 2005

Should Auld Aquaintance Be Forgot

I'm a little late with the New Year's Speech, but here it comes:)

I joined a group of friends going to Pirin mountain for New Year's Eve. There wasn't much snow, fortunately, since this was my first drive out of Sofia. Confessing mode on: I am prone to high speed driving. I've been lucky with the cops so far;). Confessing mode off.

Some friends came over for dinner on Rada's birthday, although Rada wasn't there:) More new music on the occasion: Opeth, Pain of Salvation, Tenhi. Solitary activities foreva:D These tunes seem to nourish my emotions in a profound manner. Especially Opeth... I've always known there must be such music, and yes, it turned out there was. As the poet says, so real she must exist.
The occasional roaring death metal vocals, however, remind me I'm still this side of heaven.

Reading about the four sources of unpredictability in After Virtue was exhilarating, too, but I'm too lazy to list them now:> Google them:) Shortly I'll go back to "Syberia", my new game, again with a female protagonist, an American lawyer whose mission is to negotiate the takeover of a toy factory in a small village in the Alps. Combining philosophy with gaming adds a powerful new dimension to my life:)

I feel alive with calm joy, and the restricted emotional range, characteristic of shizoid personality disorder, seems to be expanding, for better or worse;) Then a splash of sadness pours in, and I feel even more alive. The thrill lasts a few minutes, then I am back to my senses again. Rational and temperate behaviour is an unattainable goal for me, but I am striving to, with some success. I believe the ancient Greeks thought that the effort to achieve a virtue constitutes part of the virtue. If they didn't, they should have, because it's true:D

Should I say a few words about 2004? It was a good year, one of the most eventful ever. I tried rock climbing, caving, and gaming, I learnt to enjoy solitude, I stopped breastfeeding (possibly forever:), I went permanently online, I divorced, I bought my first car and learnt to drive, I stopped talking to an old friend (possibly forever), I am raising two kids on my own (possibly for another 15 years).

What else? My prayer of thankfulness is for a bunch of online friends who made a difference in my year(in alphabetical order): Alvin, Amicus Plato, Eowyn, Firefox, gimli, Grond, GomJabbar, Mordred, Morgoth, Muchogusto, perian, Paganel, Supercow. All of them contributed to making my world into a better place. Possibly made ME a better person - haha- a far-fetched hypothesis and a highly doubtful enterprise. Thanks for trying, though;)

I'm not a hopeless case, honestly, well, except in... a few areas. Losing stuff, for example:) Forgetting. Absent-mindedness. I know, I know, I should have become a college professor. What was I saying?

Nevermind:) This is the SONG:)

Wallflowers: Everything I Need

I'm not looking
For a warm embrace
I'm not looking
For a friendly face
I've got
Everything I need
I'm not worried
If you're coming back
I'm in a hurry
Cause I just found out
I've got Everything I need
I've got Everything I need
So even if you wanted to...
You can't save me
You can't fail me
I'm back up on my feet baby
On the way down
Is when I found out
That I got everything I need
I'm not looking
For a hand to hold
I'm not waitin'
For someone to show
I've got
Everything I need
I never found a wall
I couldn't climb
I never seen a well
As deep as mine
I've got
Everything I need
I've got
Everything I need
So even if you wanted to...
It doesn't matter
If I'm qualified
Or if I ever learn
To blow your mind
I've got
Everything I need
I'm not looking
For a place to shine
I woke up
And I'm satisfied
I've got
Everything I need
I've got
Everything I need
So even if you wanted to...

I cannot wish anybody anything better:)
Happy New Year!