Oct 23, 2006

Nicotine Tension Experiment

My name is Hazel and I'm a nicotine addict.

Yesterday I conducted an experiment in masochistic behavior: 24 hours without smoking. I had all the symptoms of abstinence - crankiness, anxiety, temper flares, tearfulness, inability to concentrate, etc. I was planning to post a log of my rising dissatisfaction with the world during the day, but I didn't have internet yesterday either, so lucky you:D Double abstinence trains the will like few other tribulations. Music like A Perfect Circle, Pain of Salvation, and Metallica did help to alleviate the pain a bit.

No, seriously, I was appalled at the gap in me left by removal of addictive substances. It was like a black-tentacled monster scratching and eating me from the inside. It is not a coincidence that Ffox compares my religious beliefs with cigarettes (two highly obnoxious habits in her view;). They are both defining behaviors, there's no getting away with this. I was less myself, incomplete without smoking, and I resented that dependency. And loved it, too. ^_^

Speaking of incompleteness, at the end of the day, aren't we all beta versions of ourselves?

I bought a new perfume to celebrate my decision to try to quit smoking, next weekend.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

White lilac! This must be a wonderful fragrance... Congrats!
(And admit it, ain't it better than ashtray stink?)
- W.

Hazel Baggins said...

@ W
It's wonderful and 'it smells like me':)
I love smoking, that's the problem:/
And today I smoked much less than normal and already start to feel uneasy.

One addiction is best cured by another addiction^_^.

frostie said...

No. It does not work like this. You just need to decide you are quitting and do it. No games like "let's see if i can not smoke today". You either need to accept you like smoking and smoke in peace, or quit once and for all. Two weeks and anxiety will go away. Just make your mind. Do believe me.

PS And is has nothing to do with religion. Do believe me.

Hazel Baggins said...

@frostie

I know I doesn't have to do anything with religion, I'm just teasing ffox:) It does have to do with self-identification though.
And I *like* to think of myself as a smoker.

It's a temporary decision, to balance the heating bills^^.