I am well aware of the risk I took by posting the long poem, I suspect I lost half my fan base;) So this entry is a feeble attempt to win it back:P
I'm self-destructive. No efforts on my part seem to undo this. I smoke a lot, drink more - coffee and vodka - and more often than I should, and I go without sleep for ages. Insomnia and too much work deprive me of rest and sanity.
February was rich in events like the concert of Fates Warning, a progressive metal band, which was so-so. The vocal had had too much to drink and his voice was hoarse, but I enjoyed myself. Also, I saw several movies among which 'Alexander' (good, should be careful not to get obsessed with my talented son, otherwise he is likely to turn gay), 'Bridget Jones 2' (fun, I have read the first book, so the story is complete. There was a greal line which I repeat to myself several times a day, roughly 'I've had enough of bad things happening to me, it's time something really good happened'... if you see the movie, this line will tell you a lot about me:)), and the fabulous 'Phantom of the Opera', (a feast for all the senses, I kept playing the main theme for days afterwards, a must-see).
I also went to see Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical 'Evita' in the theater. It was about 25-30% better than I'd expected, so one more treat. On going out of the theater, not only my head, my whole body was filled with music. I got together with people I like; I listened to a lot of great music, as usual: Phantom of the Opera OST, good old Supertramp, Radiohead, the new Alanis, the new Rammstein, the ancient Pink Floyd. One of my fave albums of all time is The Final Cut, which I heard for the first time in 15 years. Honestly. I still love it. Which kinda suggests that maybe, just maybe, there is a permanent essence of a human being, lurking somewhere behind all the personality changes, nicks, masks, images, alter-egos, avatars, you-name-it.
The newest addition to fave bands: MUSE:) Kato niaa muse i MUSE e muse:) I can't help feeling they were meant for my enjoyment only. More on muses and inspiration in a later post.
For the time being, I'm tired. Not just physically, but all of me. I seem to find all domestic chores incredibly hard to perform, my home is in total disorder - to me, guests disagree but I guess they are just being polite -I cook, and clean, and shop for groceries, which feels like nothing short of a tremendous feat. Taking care of the kids uses up all the strength I have, though they are fantastic kids. Mihail found an old lipstick and painted the walls and the doors in red (Shyamalan, anyone?). Rada told me I loved the computer more than I love her. How can I persuade her this is not true? The great persuader, me. The great manupilator. I'm too tired to laugh.
I am like an old battered and scarred warrior on a quest, who's been through hundreds of battles, most of which he lost. There is still a long way to go, he's got a lot of experience, his level is high, but his health is failing, and he badly needs a rest. What I need is a night at an inn, some ale, and a bard singing. Ok, maybe a dancer or two to feast my eyes upon. Will anyone dance for me?
On the morrow, I will move on, alone. My mission awaits, and a hero never turns back.
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