Sources of Inspiration

No man is an island... I am in two minds about it at the moment. Physical and psychological isolation, whether self-imposed or not, can be a source of growth and wisdom. I realize this on the intellectual level (yeah, I work for the title of 'an intellectual'), but on the emotional level I'm struggling with it. When all I see inside is a hole, there is a temptation to try and fill it with things (people) from the outside world. Rather, I should bend my inner self, so that the hole is healed, ot at least diminished to a bearable size. (Holes hold an attaction for some, caving IS one of the sports I've tried and found fun only the first time.) Bending, however, is time-consuming and hard. And, sometimes, the curves can be ugly.

Doing what is right and trying to be a virtuous person has been one of my top priorities for the past few months. Yesterday I became aware that I had done something terrible to someone I deeply care for. Inadvertently, on the surface. Meanly, maybe, when probed. In either case, I am ashamed of myself and disappointed in trying. I haven't felt that bad about myself for years. Betraying someone's trust is one of the worst crimes in my value system. Honour is a virtue I esteem highly, and friendship is a 'skill' I thought I had perfected. Yeah, right...

I have learned a lesson from what happened. And this is a source of comfort, somewhat, cause Learning is exciting and inspiring, for me. QED. Inspiration even from failure. Applause. Bow.