Another Brick in the Wall

My daughter started preparatory class today. There are two options for the compulsory preparatory year: one is to continue for a fourth year in the daycare center, where there are way too many kids, the other is to go on to a real formal school. I chose the second option, although it's only half-day, which makes it harder for me, as I need to pick her up at noon. Still, I thought it is better preparation for school, and, besides, she can start piano lessons now. We don't have a piano, but this can be corrected, and one day her brother can play the piano, too. Music is a great way to live your life and I think my children agree with me on this. Moreover, unlike me, they are musically gifted. They both have beautiful voices and make a wonderful duet, especially when they sing Rammstein's Reise Reise;)

I can't believe that my little girl has grown so fast. I can almost see her graduation, I'll shed the same tears I shed on the first day of school. Memories of my own childhood refuse to come, future is so much more prominent when you are preoccupied with the present. Will I live to see you at 18, Rada?

My prayer for a good teacher seems to be answered. She is kind, experienced, and seems to like children. With luck, she will continue teaching the group next year, actually for the next 5 years. There is a Roma boy in the group, who looks sweet and bright. I rely on him to lay a stable foundation for Rada's future opinion of minority integration;) Hopefully, my stereotyped and, occasionally, racist opinions won't get in the way.

I have started talking about the future, again. The present is so loaded with events, meanings and emotions, that right now it's impossible to focus and write. I even thought about a poem, which is not a good sign altogether. I have a couple of days to myself only, and as usual, it is a time for reflection on what exactly I am doing with my (life)time. It turned out that I make the best possible use of my days because I do all the things I would do, if I were retired. I'm having the time of my life. Well, almost:)

Sing for Absolution

August is usually full of traumatic experiences for me. This time it wasn't.

I took the kids to the beach almost every day, went out at night when I had company (granny provided free babysitting), and cleaned my head from internet, work, music, etc. I had some inspiring moments which I thought were worth recording here, but I didn't have access to the net, so these insights are forever lost to humanity;)

I went to 3 karaoke nights and sang very badly at two of them. On the third one, just listened. Overall, though, I had a lot of fun. But then again, my definition of fun is crooked.

Back home I managed to lose my cell phone which led to a number of problems. I was so thrilled by my fast (and safe) highway drive, that I went out to celebrate and the Bacardi went to my head. I still had a lot of fun. Fun was the operative word for summer 2005. I got a new phone. When you lose, you get up and go on. Here it is:
http://mobile.softpedia.com/phonePictures/942

I started the new music season with a hefty quantity of Muse, more specifically their Showbiz album.

And sometimes, only very rarely, a secretive feeling creeps in, that this is the moment I was made for, that time collapses exclusively for me, to lift me up and show me infinity, and I understand the words of the poet: 'To see the world in a grain of sand...'. Ask Google for the rest.
The second best feeling is to know I have a multitude of tasks to perform, and will never run out of things to do. Getting all the elite skills for all professions, for example. Learning to use them;) Go to Tombs of Primeval Kings. Stuff like that.

Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.

Skyward Reach

Sofialand amusement park is good for kids, once or twice a year. This is a promise:)

Tons of work weighing on my shoulders, and masses of food in my belly. I am a hungry devourer most of the time and I dread the prospect of going to the beach. I succumb to the societal pressure of looking slim, and hating myself for being fat. Believe it or not, there are men out there who prefer plump women! I have talked to two of them in the past few weeks, and they seem pretty truthful about it. Still, I need to stop eating and start exercising again.

I stopped smoking for about a week, and then relapsed. Reason being, I don't play GW because I have too much work: 8 hours in the office of an aforementioned institution, plus a few more when I get back home - after I put kids to bed of course - I need to catch up with work I did not do because of playing GW. As if this is not enough, I have some friends over at my place, and I want to/have to/need to spend time with them. Ah yes, I was foolish and greedy enough to accept another project due 3 days after my departure date. Failed to see the link between smoking and the above? Addictions stack, and are better removed one at a time;) Anyway, 3 missions from the end of PvE part of the game, I pause. Iron will is my middle name;) Oh yeah, I played with my healer and my elementalist quite a lot:> But this doesn't count. Right?


This can easily be my last posting for a long time to come because I'm going to, er.. vacation. Time away from my PC. Beach. Cocktails. Er. Parents (my own parents!). Quick drive to a mountain town to celebrate a friend's birthday. Almost a month without playing, working, watering the plants in my apartment, and... I can't think of any other reason to stay in Sofia in August.

Wish me luck and get in touch ffs!

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

To escape or not to escape, that is the question. Escapism is not necessarily bad, as any diversion or hobby can be dubbed 'escapism'. After all, we read novels and watch movies, which are not 'real' per se. I have found gaming to be an alternative to other pastimes, a fun way to use what little spare time I have. On average, I spend about 2 hours playing every day. Oops. One of the signs of addiction is that you begin lying about the quantity of the consumed substance and the frequency of your indulgence.

This is my first monster slaying game in which I die. I have died over 300 times with my 3 characters. Freudians would have something to say on the topic of death wishes:P Seriously, I will never forget the first time I went into cooperative mission, or the first time on PvP arena. There's always a first, but at my time of life, firsts don't come easy:) I'm starting to overcome the constraints of my lack of gaming background. In other words, I'm getting better all the time, which is very encouraging. It turns out I need a lot of praise and flattery. I have always known I am very bad at losing, and will have to learn to handle this at some point, but not right now;) Right now: http://guildwars.com 4 teh win:)

I just remembered an old song which says 'Dying ain't much of a living when you're living on the run'. I'm living on the run, life is hectic and full of things to do, and I'm exhausted most of the time. I need regeneration, and while physically late night battles do not help much, mentally the game works wonders for me. I just read a review of World of Warcraft which among other things said 'I'm in love with this game'. Well, I fear my definition of 'falling in love' is highly ideosyncratic and most people tend to disagree with it, so I won't say I'm in love;) Suffice it to say that mere thinking of the game makes me smile.

Some may argue it's cheap thrill seeking, and may be right. Thrill seeking is a vice I confess I am prone to:D However, it's more than that. It's and exciting learning experience, comparable to learning to drive or to climb. I love the process of starting something from scratch and working to perfect myself in it. The final result is not perfect but is still amazing. Completing a mission gives me a similar emotion to driving in the center of Sofia during the rush hour:) At the end of it I'm alive, I have 1000 experience, and one more skill point.

A friend told me that I bore him to death with talk about Guild Wars. I truly appreciate it when someone is so honest with me:) Only an Aries can get away with it, but then again, only an Aries will dare to say it:) Ok, maybe a few Gemini too;)

To cut the long story short, the game for me is a fascinating mixture of dreaming and acting, a place where I can unfold pieces of me which are stifled or undesirable in real life. Nothing wrong with sublimation, go go go uncle Freud! On the other hand, I am aware that I miss on one of the most important aspects of online gaming - socializing. I can't see anything exciting in meeting new people, period. Now, meeting RL friends in game, this is fun. Also, roleplaying a (male) teenager who plays online games, is even more fun!:) Some day, I will watch Hallmark and do tapestry, but not now. Thank God, not now.