Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

To escape or not to escape, that is the question. Escapism is not necessarily bad, as any diversion or hobby can be dubbed 'escapism'. After all, we read novels and watch movies, which are not 'real' per se. I have found gaming to be an alternative to other pastimes, a fun way to use what little spare time I have. On average, I spend about 2 hours playing every day. Oops. One of the signs of addiction is that you begin lying about the quantity of the consumed substance and the frequency of your indulgence.

This is my first monster slaying game in which I die. I have died over 300 times with my 3 characters. Freudians would have something to say on the topic of death wishes:P Seriously, I will never forget the first time I went into cooperative mission, or the first time on PvP arena. There's always a first, but at my time of life, firsts don't come easy:) I'm starting to overcome the constraints of my lack of gaming background. In other words, I'm getting better all the time, which is very encouraging. It turns out I need a lot of praise and flattery. I have always known I am very bad at losing, and will have to learn to handle this at some point, but not right now;) Right now: http://guildwars.com 4 teh win:)

I just remembered an old song which says 'Dying ain't much of a living when you're living on the run'. I'm living on the run, life is hectic and full of things to do, and I'm exhausted most of the time. I need regeneration, and while physically late night battles do not help much, mentally the game works wonders for me. I just read a review of World of Warcraft which among other things said 'I'm in love with this game'. Well, I fear my definition of 'falling in love' is highly ideosyncratic and most people tend to disagree with it, so I won't say I'm in love;) Suffice it to say that mere thinking of the game makes me smile.

Some may argue it's cheap thrill seeking, and may be right. Thrill seeking is a vice I confess I am prone to:D However, it's more than that. It's and exciting learning experience, comparable to learning to drive or to climb. I love the process of starting something from scratch and working to perfect myself in it. The final result is not perfect but is still amazing. Completing a mission gives me a similar emotion to driving in the center of Sofia during the rush hour:) At the end of it I'm alive, I have 1000 experience, and one more skill point.

A friend told me that I bore him to death with talk about Guild Wars. I truly appreciate it when someone is so honest with me:) Only an Aries can get away with it, but then again, only an Aries will dare to say it:) Ok, maybe a few Gemini too;)

To cut the long story short, the game for me is a fascinating mixture of dreaming and acting, a place where I can unfold pieces of me which are stifled or undesirable in real life. Nothing wrong with sublimation, go go go uncle Freud! On the other hand, I am aware that I miss on one of the most important aspects of online gaming - socializing. I can't see anything exciting in meeting new people, period. Now, meeting RL friends in game, this is fun. Also, roleplaying a (male) teenager who plays online games, is even more fun!:) Some day, I will watch Hallmark and do tapestry, but not now. Thank God, not now.

The Whole Nine Yards

Wow, congrats:) Blogger, thumbs up, now I can post images!
This is my first character in the best time-killer I've had for years. He's called Aral Kosigan, the father of one of my favorite fictional heroes of all time, Miles Vorkosigan. I dropped the nobility prefix 'vor', since it is a democratic world we live in;) I have two more characters and I promise you'll have the opportunity to feast your eyes upon them too:D

Otherwise, I have a lot of undone work, my torrent account was closed after 7 days inactivity, I went to a karaoke party and had tons of fun and alcohol. Omg...ofhangover.

And to think I was afraid it would never be my turn,
as if you could contain the baby in the cradle, and the ashes in an urn.
Maybe no control is just life as usual
Maybe an endless fall is the same as flying high.

I just love this song. Don't bother searching for it in Google :P

Violent Flurry

I saw Sin City - the most crushing movie of the year. It pierces you, it shatters your preconceived notions of what is allowed and what not, it heightens your perceptions to the maximum. I thought I could even smell the blood, which came in white, red, and yellow. Despite the sketchy plot (after all, it is based on 3 graphic novels, aka comic books), it gripped me and I found myself looking for meaning in the meaningless sequence of events, each triggering more disgust and awe at the same time. Amazing acting, nerve-racking camera, mind-blowing director's vision.

Violence is viewed so casually ('kill him good', one of the characters said), that it achieves the status of a legitimate form of fun alongside sex. [There IS a lot of nudity in the movie, which made me even more determined to go to the gym more often:D] Violence is apparently a deep need of humans, and even violence that makes you flinch holds some kind of perverse attraction. So, that's the way we are. Brutality is a word which comes from the Latin word for a 'beast', and a friend said that most action in the movie is animal-like, but I disagreed. It is easy to transfer to animals the inherent cruetly in humans, but it is my opinion that animals are rarely cruel for cruelty's sake. It is us who are evil, and we cannot proceed to becoming less evil, unless we acknowledge the evil in us as human beings. We are able to enjoy hurting others and get aroused by others' pain (er... not me personally, I am a bit squeamish;). Still, we have a spark of heaven in us and are able to counter hatred if we want, and if we truly aspire to goodness, we will be given a Hand by the Heavenly Helper.

These thoughts have absolutely nothing to do with my warrior profession. Really really. Rather, I have been thinking about being a sinner exposed to God's grace. Do I believe in punishment this side of hell? I don't know. It is written that a parent punishes the child he/she loves. As a parent I'm not so positive about distinguishing between punishment for the sake of justice and discipline, and punishing because anger and frustration rise in me like a hurricane. I'm trying to counter this with love. While playing a warrior I usually listen to quiet and gentle music like Tenhi or Jewel which I believe enhance the peace of mind. I need peace and silence to balance the adrenaline fury I am slowly becoming...

Twisted by the Dark Side

The saga is over:) I have been waiting for this moment for 20 years. The story is complete, the jigsaw pieces have fallen in their places, nothing to do but contemplate the beauty of the picture.
I laughed at the absurdities in Episode 3, I was amused by the democracy talk, admired the jab at relativism in the words of Anakin (something like 'From my point of view, this is good').
I just loved the references to the old episodes - there was even a Red Leader in the space fight! Spent hours afterwards listening to John Williams' New Hope OST, some of the greatest contemporary music ever written. I even watched the abominable Attack of the Clones once again:) Lucas has created an awesome universe, and I am content with the final product. Good enough, as one of my friends has taught me to say.

I cannot write more now because I'm twisted in a totally different direction. I'm not going to argue that from my point of view this is good;) I am a Warrior at last, it is a dream come true:) It is dangerous for dreams to come true, I have always said. I sleep even less than usual, have HUGE dark circles around the eyes, and a crazy look of addiction IN them. Not that I succumb to temptation all the time, I make conscious efforts to distract myself with other stuff to do. Like work. Going to a pub with friend. Reading Barry Hughart. Mmm, my sentences have grown shorter. I don't smoke as much as before, and eat even less:D I love every minute of it, though I'm not too good. But improving. OMG:)