Easter Thoughts

Christ has Risen!

I saw The Passion of the Christ on Good Friday, I had to discipline myself to do so. Last year I refused to see it, for a variety of reasons. Mainly, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to identify with the suffering Christ, and I would feel guilty for it. I knew the movie provoked religious feelings in many, and encouraged them to renew their faith, to confess their sins etc. This year, I was afraid it would touch me, and I didn't want to be touched. I wasn't. I saw 'the whip, the crown of thorns, the nails' (a reference to an old poem by my ex) and was not moved. Emotional coldness on one plane entails emotional coldness on any other plane, in my opinion. I am making a rational decision to be a believer and, for the time being, this is sufficient to find meaning and purpose in life.


Background - I sent the kids to Granny's for a week, but this time I'm not making any experiments in isolation. On the contrary, I'm planning to be with people as much as possible. Places and things include the following:
- climbing gym
- hairdresser's
- Social Security Instutite (FOUND the document when I took the car to the car wash! Cleanliness IS next to godliness;)
- cousin's birthday party
- science fiction conference
- real climbing
- cinema and/or gaming.
- Hannah Arendt's Human Conditon (written in the 1950s, looks very promising).

Last but not least: yesterday I went for a short hike in Vitosha with a friend. We spent 6 hours talking about a variety of things - books, childhoods, movies, philosophy, politics, religion, etc.
I am not good at summarizing ideas and opinions, though, which is a pity. In addition to this RL conversation, I would like to retell an online conversation about nature vs nurture, the role of having children, ways to make your life less than boring, etc. I wanted to paste the log here, but I was refused permission so I won't.

Lazying around is a fantastic pastime:)
And to finish with one of my top ten quotations:

'Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. MUSIC IS BEST.'

Frank Zappa

http://www.audioscrobbler.com/user/Armenian/

There you go:)

Divisible by 17

So much to see, so much to live for?

I have been immersed in doing things for a while, and turning 34 somehow slipped through the web of time, almost unnoticed. I didn't throw a party, but I did go to a friend's birthday party, preceded by a house-warming party, which in turn was preceded by several really great get-togethers. A good time was had by all;) No, this is not going to work. I'm half asleep, so I'll do it Bridget Jones style:

Car stereos stolen - 1.

Car locks broken - 2.

Batteries flat - 1.

Kids sick - 2.

Tax returns filed - 1.

Indian restaurants sampled - 2.

New jeans bought - 2.

Social security documentation lost - 1.

Books read (in the last 3 months) - 1.

Chinese movies seen - 2. (House of Flying Daggers and Hero. I don't mind Chinese ruling the world, now or in 200 years. They ARE good at sticking to noble causes and killing loved ones. No, seriously. These are two of my favorite movies ever. Colors, music, movement, tears, eyes, caligraphy, bamboo... the list can go on forever.)

Games finished - 1 (Syberia 2. Kids just love Kate Walker, she is practically a family member now.)
Games started - 1 (Grim Fandango. A new chapter in my games education which is also a trip back in time).
Games downloaded - 2 (Everquest 2 and Lineage 2. Clearly a latecomer in the world of MMORPGs, I couldn't connect to the server of either. These were free offers which I could not take advantage of, most probably my RAM is not enough, or my anti-virus programs play a trick on me. Did I mention I had a terrible virus problem which I solved by paying a guy to clean the computer and install really good anti-virus software? Serves me right.)

The last music I downloaded before the shutdown of free servers was all of A Perfect Circle and King Crimson. We are witnesses of the end of an era, and the dawn of a new one. I thought using torrents is difficult but it turned out it's not and it's much faster than I expected. BitComet flies high;)

I should write about inspiration but this is not a good time. Growing old takes its toll. Or, much worse, I keep humming an ancient Helloween ballad called 'The Tale That Wasn't Right'. Vitamin B for the masses, the ultimate cure for not being right. Other drugs don't work.

Remodelled Me

A shirt, a skirt, a formal coat, and high heels (aka hell heels). This is my outfit for my short-term office job with another institution within the Bulgarian government. 9-to-5s with suitable ties, as Fish said. Interpreting at meetings, presentations, translating memos, reports, going to lunch with the boss, trying to regain my long lost social skills. Hurrying after work to pick up the kids. Horrors and nightmares! Ok, I'm exaggerating. The heels are not that high but still uncomfortable to drive in.

Anyway, this sudden move was part of my strategy to show how flexible I am - when 10 friends tell me to go out of the house and mix with people, I comply! As I said, I am not the stubborn, self-righteous bitch I look;)

Rada is pleased with my new look, although she’s a little resentful about the eternal you-are-prettier-than-me issue. I’m not prettier. She is more beautiful, more sociable, and even wiser than me.

The other day we had this conversation about her father. I said he is a good person, a good daddy, and always will be, but he’s simply not a good man for me. She said, ‘Then you should get another man!’. My immediate response was thoughtless, though truthful: ‘Where shall I put him?’. And she observed, with the savvy of an experienced woman: ‘Mom, men are not objects. They are not wardrobes or cupboards!’ I was flabbergasted. My five-year-old knew something is wrong with my attitude to the male part of humankind. I stand corrected. Men are not objects. Repeat, men are not objects.

On the cultural side, at last I’ve got something to look forward to. May 19th:D Episode Three. I watched the trailer at least 10 times – it’s great. I also saw the horror movie (ok, psychological thriller) ‘Identity’ on a sunny afternoon between deadlines. I usually can’t stand blood but I needed some kind of emotion, I needed to hear my heart thumping and to feel alive. It’s a good movie, I love plot twists, they compensate for much of the boredom that comes beforehand. While on the movie topic, here are some titles from my ‘recently viewed’ list.

-Big Lebowski – I loved the slapstick humor, the laid back atmosphere, the ugly language (It’s f***ed Duuuude).
- Requiem for a Dream – may give a more sensitive viewer nightmares. Nightmares, however, are considered by some psychologists to cleanse the unconscious of the dreamer. They are a self-preserving mechanism of the mind, throwing out the garbage and keeping your daytime personality sane. Or so I hope. The movie starred Jared Leto, my new wet dreams material, who also played Alexander’s sweetheart in Oliver Stone’s movie, and gave me the warm feeling that I share the same taste in men with the great Greek;)
- Pi – another Aronofsky movie. Does not bear comments. OST just as superb as that of the previous movie.

Musically, I am disappointed. I created an account in http://audioscrobbler.com

but it isn't working, so I'm not gonna tell what my new internet nick is;)

I listened to the early Beatles, Deep Purple ballads, Isihia, Anathema (latest album), Jeff Wayne's War of the World. The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one:)

Guess What:)

I Am A: True Neutral Half-Elf Ranger Fighter


Alignment:
True Neutral characters are very rare. They believe that balance is the most important thing, and will not side with any other force. They will do whatever is necessary to preserve that balance, even if it means switching allegiances suddenly.


Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.


Deity:
Silvanus is the True Neutral god of nature. He is also known as the Patron of Druids. His followers believe in the perfect balance of nature, and believe that nature's bounty is preferable to any other 'civilizing' method. They wear leather or metallic scale mail, constructed of leaf-shaped scales. Silvanus's symbol is an oak leaf.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)